Let's stop pretending we don't know

There are periods in life where you just don't like the person you've become.

You wake up and there is this weird heaviness before the day has even started. You know you have things to do, people to talk to, responsibilities to handle, but somewhere inside you're thinking, I don't want to live like this forever.

And then you carry on.

That's what I find interesting about unhappiness.

We can be very aware of it and still do absolutely nothing about it.

We know we're unhappy with our job, but we keep going to it for years without even looking at what else is possible.

We know we're not taking care of ourselves, but we keep treating our health like something we'll deal with later.

We know we're surrounded by people we don't even feel connected to anymore, but we keep showing up because leaving would be uncomfortable.

We know we're spending too much time online, comparing our lives with people we've never met, and yet we pick up the phone again.

And then we say, “I hate my life.”

Okay.

But what are you going to do about it?

That's the question I think we avoid.

There is a difference between being unhappy and being stuck

Not every bad situation can be fixed by simply deciding to change it.

I don't want to give you that kind of fake motivational advice.

Sometimes you genuinely don't have the money to leave.

Sometimes you're responsible for your family.

Sometimes you're dealing with circumstances you never asked for.

Sometimes you have to survive before you can start building the life you actually want.

I understand that.

But there is another kind of stuckness that we don't talk about enough.

The kind where you have options, but you keep avoiding them because changing your life would require you to become uncomfortable.

And honestly, I've been there too.

You can spend months thinking about what you want to change without actually changing anything.

You can become an expert at analysing your life while doing nothing with that information.

At some point, thinking about it isn't helping anymore.

You have to move.

You keep restarting instead of changing

And honestly, this is where I think we fool ourselves the most.

We get unhappy with our life and suddenly become very serious about changing it. We think about everything we should have done differently. We make promises to ourselves. For a few days, we are convinced that this time will be different.

Then something happens.

We get tired. Life gets busy. The excitement disappears. We go back to whatever we were doing before.

And after some time, we do the exact same thing again.

This cycle can go on for years.

That's the part that scares me.

Not that you failed once. Everyone does.

It's when you keep having the same realisation, make the same promise to yourself, go back to the same behaviour and then act surprised that your life hasn't changed.

At some point, you have to stop asking yourself how to start over.

You need to ask yourself why you keep returning to the same place.

Because sometimes the problem isn't that you don't know what to do.

You already know.

You just haven't been willing to live differently for long enough.

Stop waiting for motivation to rescue you

I think motivation has become one of the biggest scams we've sold ourselves.

You feel terrible about your life, so you wait for that one moment where you suddenly become determined enough to fix everything.

But motivation is unreliable.

Some days you'll have it.

Some days you won't.

And if your entire life depends on whether you're feeling inspired that morning, you're going to keep going in circles.

There are things you have to do simply because you decided they matter.

You don't have to feel like exercising every time you exercise.

You don't have to feel confident every time you do something difficult.

You don't have to feel excited about your work every day.

You don't even have to be sure that your decision is going to work.

You just have to stop making your feelings the only thing deciding what happens next.

I don't mean become some emotionless machine.

I mean learn the difference between “I don't want to do this today” and “this is genuinely wrong for me.”

Those are not the same thing.

Sometimes you are the person making your own life harder

This is probably the least comforting part.

Sometimes life is unfair.

And sometimes we're also making things worse for ourselves.

You know you keep spending money you don't have, but you don't want to look at your bank account.

You know you hate what you're doing for work, but you haven't learned anything new or explored another option.

You know you're exhausted because you've been sleeping badly for months.

You know that person keeps hurting you, but every time they come back, you let them back in.

You know you're wasting hours every day, but you keep telling yourself you don't have enough time.

At some point, you have to be able to look at yourself without immediately defending yourself.

Not to shame yourself.

Just to tell the truth.

I am doing this too.

That sentence can change a lot.

Because once you stop pretending you're completely powerless, you get some of your power back.

Don't turn your behaviour into your personality

This is something I've had to think about a lot.

We say things like, “I'm just lazy.”

“I've never been disciplined.”

“I'm terrible with money.”

“I'm not confident.”

“I'm bad at talking to people.”

But how do you know?

Maybe you've just spent years behaving that way.

There is a huge difference.

If you have avoided difficult situations your entire life, of course difficult situations feel scary.

If you've never taken care of your body properly, of course creating a healthy routine feels unnatural.

If you've always depended on other people to make decisions for you, of course independence feels uncomfortable.

That doesn't mean you're incapable of becoming different.

It means you haven't practised being different.

And I think that's a much more hopeful way of looking at yourself.

You don't have to hate the old version of you.

But you also don't have to keep protecting her from change.

Your environment matters more than you think

Sometimes you are trying to build a different life while living inside an environment that constantly pulls you back into the old one.

You start becoming ambitious and suddenly you're “too much.”

You start setting boundaries and suddenly you're “rude.”

You start taking your career seriously and suddenly people ask why you're so obsessed with work.

You stop entertaining nonsense and suddenly you've “changed.”

Of course you've changed.

That's the point.

You can't keep becoming a better version of yourself while making sure everyone around you remains comfortable with the old one.

And I'm not saying abandon everyone.

I'm saying pay attention.

Who do you feel like when you're around them?

Do you feel more confident?

More curious?

More alive?

Or do you find yourself becoming smaller just so you can fit into the group again?

That tells you something.

But don't replace one set of expectations with another

I also think there's a trap on the other side.

You get tired of the life your family, society or people around you expect from you.

So you go online and find a completely different version of what a successful woman is supposed to look like.

Now you're supposed to wake up early, have the perfect body, build a business, travel constantly, dress a certain way, have perfect skin, make a certain amount of money and somehow maintain a peaceful nervous system while doing all of it.

What the fuck?

You escaped one set of expectations and walked straight into another.

Your life doesn't need to look impressive to strangers.

You don't need to become somebody else's definition of a successful woman.

You need to figure out what actually matters to you.

Maybe you want a big career.

Maybe you want a quiet life.

Maybe you want marriage.

Maybe you don't.

Maybe you want to live with your parents.

Maybe you want to move across the world.

There isn't one correct answer.

But there is something very sad about waking up at 35 and realising that you spent your twenties trying to impress people whose opinions you don't even care about anymore.

You need to stop romanticising your potential

I think potential can become an incredibly comfortable place to hide.

Because when you talk about what you could become, nobody can prove you wrong.

You could start the business.

You could get fit.

You could become successful.

You could write.

You could study.

You could leave.

You could make more money.

You could become confident.

And maybe you genuinely could.

But potential doesn't change your life.

Action does.

And action is usually much more boring than we imagine.

It's doing the same thing when nobody cares.

It's learning something badly before you become good at it.

It's getting rejected.

It's changing your plan.

It's making mistakes.

It's having a terrible week and still coming back to it.

There is no glamorous version of that.

But that's how most real lives are built.

You don't need to hate yourself to want more

I really dislike the idea that wanting to change yourself means you don't love yourself.

Sometimes I love myself enough to admit that I'm not doing well.

I don't need to look in the mirror and convince myself that everything about me is perfect.

I can say, I'm not happy with this.

I can say, I'm capable of more.

I can say, I've been neglecting myself.

I can say, I need to get my shit together.

That isn't self-hatred.

Sometimes that's self-respect.

Because if you genuinely care about yourself, you should care about what happens to you.

And that includes your health, your money, your work, your relationships, your confidence and the way you spend your time.

Self-love without any responsibility can become another excuse.

You don't need to change everything tomorrow

This is where I think people get overwhelmed.

They look at their life and see ten different things they want to fix.

Career.

Health.

Money.

Relationships.

Family.

Confidence.

Friendships.

And because they can't fix all of it immediately, they don't start with anything.

Don't do that.

Pick the thing that is bothering you the most.

Not the thing that looks best on Instagram.

The thing that is actually affecting your everyday life.

If you're exhausted all the time, start there.

If your career is making you miserable, start looking at your options.

If you're constantly surrounded by people who drain you, create some distance.

If your finances are a mess, sit down and actually look at them.

You don't need a complete life transformation.

You need movement.

Even if it's slow.

And please stop waiting for someone to save you

I think this is especially important for women because we're often taught to wait.

Wait for the right partner.

Wait for marriage.

Wait for someone to recognise our potential.

Wait for our parents to understand.

Wait until we're confident.

Wait until we're financially secure.

Wait until the timing is perfect.

And suddenly years have passed.

There are things other people can give you.

Love.

Support.

Opportunities.

Guidance.

But nobody can live your life for you.

At some point, you have to make decisions that belong to you.

Even if people don't understand them.

Even if they're scared for you.

Even if you don't know exactly how everything will work out.

You can ask for help without handing somebody else the steering wheel.

So what if you actually do hate your life?

Then don't sit there romanticising how miserable you are.

Don't make “I'm unhappy” your entire personality.

Don't keep telling the same story about how terrible your life is while refusing to examine what you can actually change.

And don't expect one burst of motivation to fix years of habits.

Be honest.

Look at your life properly.

Not through Instagram.

Not through your parents' expectations.

Not through what your friends are doing.

Not through what you think you should want.

Look at your actual life.

Your mornings.

Your relationships.

Your work.

Your health.

Your money.

Your habits.

Your choices.

And ask yourself a very simple question:

If nothing changes, do I want to live like this for the next five years?

If the answer is no, then something has to move.

Maybe not everything.

Maybe not immediately.

But something.

Because I don't think the goal is to wake up one day and become a completely different woman.

I think the goal is much simpler.

To slowly build a life that doesn't make you want to escape from it every evening.

A life that feels like yours.

A life where you're not constantly waiting for Friday, for vacation, for marriage, for a new job, for a new city, for a new relationship or for some future version of yourself to finally start living.

You are already here.

This is your actual life.

And if you don't like it, you are allowed to change it.

But you have to stop waiting for somebody else to do it for you.

First, let me clear something up

A lot of my followers have been telling me that my thinking is very similar to Acharya Prashant.

Honestly, I had not watched much of his content before people started telling me this.

I knew who he was. That's it.

Then I kept hearing it from people, so eventually I came across one of his reels and watched it.

And before I say anything else, I want to clear this up.

I am not Acharya Prashant.

And I don't want to be him.

Maybe some of my thoughts overlap with his. That's possible. He can have his own thinking. I can have mine. And people can agree with either of us.

That's normal.

What I don't agree with is this habit we have developed of taking someone's opinion and treating it like the final truth.

Just because someone is intelligent doesn't mean they are right about everything.

Just because someone has millions of followers doesn't mean you have to agree with them.

And just because someone speaks with a lot of confidence doesn't mean what they are saying is automatically true.

I haven't studied all of Acharya Prashant's work, so I am not going to sit here and give you an opinion about his entire philosophy.

I am talking about one particular video I came across.

And that video made me think.

Let's talk about the makeup argument

In the video, he talks about girls who wear makeup.

The argument was basically that women who do makeup are somehow doing it for validation. That they are trying to create outer beauty because they don't have enough inner beauty.

And I genuinely sat there thinking...

Who the fuck told you that girls do makeup for other people?

Seriously.

Why is that always the assumption?

A girl puts on makeup and suddenly we have to find out what insecurity is hiding underneath it.

Maybe she just likes makeup.

Maybe she likes experimenting.

Maybe she likes colours.

Maybe she likes getting ready.

Maybe she is going to a wedding.

Maybe she makes makeup content.

Maybe she just likes looking pretty.

Maybe she looks in the mirror after doing her eyeliner and thinks, damn, I look good.

Why is that explanation not enough?

Why does everything a woman does have to come with some psychological explanation?

Makeup is not proof that someone is insecure

This idea that women who wear makeup are insecure and women who don't wear makeup are confident is honestly so strange to me.

How do you know?

You see a woman without makeup and decide she's comfortable with herself.

You see another woman with a full face of makeup and decide she's hiding her insecurities.

You don't know either of them.

You are just looking at their faces and making a story in your head.

And I think we do this a lot with women.

We see what a woman is wearing.

We see how much makeup she has on.

We see how she behaves.

And suddenly we think we know what is going on inside her head.

We don't.

A woman can wear makeup and have amazing self-esteem.

Another woman can never wear makeup and still hate herself.

Both things can exist.

Some women do makeup because they feel insecure. Yes.

That happens.

But that doesn't mean every woman who enjoys makeup is secretly unhappy with herself.

Sometimes people just enjoy things.

I wish we could leave it there.

And what if she actually wants attention?

This is the part I really want to ask.

Let's say a woman actually does want attention.

So what?

Let's say she puts on makeup because she wants someone to think she is beautiful.

What's wrong with that?

If I am going on a date and I want the person I like to find me attractive, am I suddenly shallow?

If I put on lipstick because I know it looks good on me, does that mean I have no inner beauty?

If I spend an hour getting ready because I enjoy looking good, does that mean I hate myself?

No.

I can love myself and still want to look pretty.

I can be confident and still enjoy makeup.

I can know my worth and still care about my appearance.

These things are not opposites.

And honestly, sometimes makeup is just fun.

There doesn't have to be a trauma behind the lipstick.

Sometimes a girl just likes lipstick.

That's it.

This is where the argument becomes bigger than makeup

Now, someone might say, “Disha, you're taking this too seriously. It's just an opinion about makeup.”

Maybe if we look at that one statement alone, it does sound small.

But ideas don't always stay small.

That's what bothers me.

When we keep connecting a woman's appearance with male attention, validation and attraction, we slowly create a bigger way of thinking.

And eventually, the woman's appearance becomes part of the explanation for someone else's behaviour.

We've seen this so many times.

A woman gets harassed.

Someone asks what she was wearing.

A woman gets assaulted.

Someone asks why she was out so late.

A woman talks to a man.

Someone says she was being too friendly.

A woman gets hurt.

Suddenly everyone wants to know what she did.

What was she wearing?

Where was she?

Why was she there?

Was she drinking?

Why did she trust him?

Why was she talking to him?

Why are we so interested in investigating the woman?

Why don't we ask the same questions about the person who actually chose to hurt her?

Why did he do it?

Why did he think he had the right to touch her?

Why did he ignore her boundaries?

Why did he continue when she said no?

Why did he think her clothes meant she wanted something?

These are the questions I want us to ask.

And no, I am not saying someone talking about makeup directly causes sexual violence.

That would be ridiculous.

I am saying that the way we talk about women can create a larger culture where women are constantly made responsible for managing other people's behaviour.

And I don't think that's okay.

Wanting to look good doesn't give anyone permission

This should honestly not even need to be explained.

A woman can want attention and still not want to be touched.

She can wear a short dress and still say no.

She can wear makeup because she wants to look beautiful and still have complete control over her body.

She can flirt with someone and then change her mind.

She can go on a date and still not want anything physical.

Wanting to look attractive is not consent.

Wanting attention is not consent.

Flirting is not consent.

Makeup is not consent.

Clothes are not consent.

I think we need to stop mixing these things together.

A woman's intention and another person's behaviour are two completely different things.

Even if she wanted someone to notice her, that does not give that person permission to cross her boundaries.

Why are women always told to become smaller?

This is something that really frustrates me.

Women are constantly taught how to behave so that nothing bad happens to them.

Don't wear that.

Don't go there.

Don't come home late.

Don't drink too much.

Don't trust strangers.

Don't be too friendly.

Don't post too many pictures.

Don't look too attractive.

Don't give the wrong impression.

And yes, women should be careful.

I am not saying we should walk around thinking the world is completely safe.

It isn't.

But there is a difference between telling women to be careful and telling women that they are responsible for somebody else's behaviour.

Those are two completely different things.

I don't want women to spend their entire lives calculating how attractive they are allowed to look.

How friendly they are allowed to be.

How late they are allowed to stay outside.

How much attention they are allowed to receive.

Because someone else might behave badly.

At some point, we also have to teach people to control themselves.

We have to teach people that another person's body is not theirs to access.

We have to teach people that a woman's appearance doesn't give them permission.

My problem isn't actually with Acharya Prashant

I want to make this clear because I don't want this to turn into some stupid “Disha versus Acharya Prashant” thing.

That's not what I'm interested in.

He is allowed to have his opinion.

I am allowed to disagree with it.

His followers are allowed to agree with him.

That's how a normal society works.

My bigger problem is with how we consume opinions.

Someone becomes popular.

They speak confidently.

They have millions of followers.

They sound intelligent.

And suddenly people stop questioning them.

Someone says something.

We repeat it.

Another person says something.

We repeat that too.

We don't even stop and ask ourselves whether we actually believe it.

Please don't make anyone your guru

And I mean this for myself too.

Don't read my blog and blindly believe everything I say.

Please don't.

If something I write makes sense to you, take it.

If something doesn't make sense, question it.

If you disagree with me, disagree with me.

I would much rather have someone disagree with me after actually thinking about what I said than agree with me because they think I am supposed to know everything.

Because humans can be wrong.

Intelligent people can be wrong.

Spiritual teachers can be wrong.

Influencers can be wrong.

And yes, I can be wrong too.

Maybe I'll write something today and six months later I'll learn something that changes my opinion.

That's okay.

Changing your mind doesn't mean you are stupid.

Sometimes it means you finally learned something new.

Use your own brain

I think this is the part we desperately need right now.

We need to stop looking for people who can tell us what to think.

Listen to people.

Read books.

Watch different perspectives.

Follow people you agree with.

Follow people you disagree with.

Learn.

Argue.

Think.

And then come back to yourself.

Ask yourself what you actually believe.

You don't have to hate someone because you disagree with them.

You also don't have to worship someone because you admire them.

You can simply say, “I respect you, but I don't agree with you on this.”

That's enough.

Because the whole point of consuming content should be to become better at thinking.

Not to find someone who can do the thinking for you.

Your brain belongs to you.

Don't outsource it.

 I think situationships are interesting because we spend so much time trying to understand the other person and almost no time trying to understand ourselves.

We will sit with our friends for three hours and analyse his texts.

“He replied after six hours.”

“But he was working.”

“Yeah but he watched my story.”

“Okay but he said he misses me.”

And then somehow we have created an entire research paper on a man who hasn't even asked us what we are.

I'm not even making fun of you because I think most of us have done some version of this.

We become detectives. We analyse the timing of messages, the tone, the emojis, whether they liked our story, whether they called us after drinking, whether they introduced us to their friends, whether they said “I miss you” but didn't say “I want a relationship.”

And honestly, sometimes I think all of this analysis is a way of avoiding the actual question.

What are you doing here?

Because maybe you already know.

Maybe you know that you want a relationship.

Maybe you know that this person isn't giving you one.

Maybe you know that you are getting attached.

Maybe you know that you are checking your phone more than you should.

Maybe you know that you are pretending to be okay with something because you are scared that if you ask for more, the whole thing will disappear.

And that is where I think we need to talk about ourselves.

Not him.

Us.

Because there has to be some reason why you are staying in something that is making you this confused.

And I don't think the answer is always “because he's manipulating you.”

Sometimes people are selfish. Sometimes people lie. Sometimes people genuinely don't know what they want. Sometimes they want the benefits of a relationship without the responsibility of one.

All of that exists.

But you still have to ask yourself why you are participating in it.

Maybe you are getting something from it too.

And that sounds harsh, but I don't mean it in a bad way.

Maybe you like the attention.

Maybe you like knowing there is someone who wants you.

Maybe you are lonely.

Maybe you really like this person.

Maybe you don't want a relationship right now either, but you don't want to lose the connection.

Maybe you are hoping they will eventually change their mind.

Maybe you don't even know what you want and the situationship allows you to avoid making that decision.

And sometimes I think that is why situationships can go on for so long.

They are uncomfortable, but they are also convenient.

You get some of the good parts of having someone without having to deal with the full reality of a relationship.

You have someone to call.

Someone to flirt with.

Someone to meet.

Someone who knows what you are doing.

Someone who makes you feel attractive.

And when you are having a bad day, you have that person.

So even if you know something is missing, you still think, but at least I have this.

And I understand that.

Nobody wants to voluntarily make themselves lonely.

But there is a point where you have to ask whether having this person in your life is actually making your life better or whether you are just afraid of what your life will feel like without them.

Because those are two very different things.

You might not even want them as much as you think

I think this happens more than we admit.

Sometimes you don't actually want the person.

You want the feeling you get when they want you.

You like being chosen.

You like getting the message.

You like having someone think about you.

You like knowing that if you post a picture, there is someone who will probably react.

And when they pull away, suddenly you want them ten times more.

Then they come back and you feel amazing.

Then they disappear again.

And now you are thinking about them all day.

You call it chemistry.

Maybe it is.

But sometimes it is just uncertainty making something feel more intense than it actually is.

Because when someone is consistently there, there isn't much to obsess over.

You know where you stand.

But when someone keeps moving closer and then further away, your brain starts looking for answers everywhere.

You start thinking about them while you're working.

While you're eating.

Before you sleep.

You check whether they're online.

You wonder why they haven't replied.

You reread old conversations.

And now this person has taken up so much space in your head that you start believing they must be incredibly important to you.

Maybe they are.

Or maybe uncertainty has made them important.

That's something worth thinking about.

And then there is the potential problem

This is probably my biggest issue with situationships.

We become attached to what something could become.

Not what it actually is.

You had one amazing weekend together and suddenly you can see the whole future.

You remember the way they looked at you.

You remember that conversation where they told you something personal.

You remember how comfortable you felt around them.

And because those moments were real, you start believing the relationship is real too.

But a few good moments don't automatically create a healthy relationship.

Someone can genuinely care about you and still not be able to give you the relationship you want.

Someone can have chemistry with you and still not want to build a life with you.

Someone can miss you and still not want commitment.

This is the annoying part of dating.

Two people can have feelings for each other and still not be right for each other.

And sometimes we keep waiting because we think if the circumstances change, everything will suddenly work.

Maybe after their job settles.

Maybe after their breakup.

Maybe after they are ready.

Maybe after I prove that I'm different.

And then you realise you have spent months waiting for a person to become available.

That's a very expensive way to spend your time.

Maybe you are scared to ask for what you actually want

I think a lot of women do this.

You want commitment but you don't say it.

You want consistency but you act like you don't care.

You want to know where the relationship is going but you are scared to bring it up because you don't want to look needy.

So you become this extremely chill version of yourself.

“Oh, I'm not looking for anything serious either.”

Really?

Because then why are you crying to your friend about him every Sunday?

Why are you analysing his behaviour?

Why are you upset when he dates someone else?

Why are you imagining what it would be like if he finally committed?

You don't have to be embarrassed about wanting a relationship.

Wanting commitment doesn't make you desperate.

Wanting clarity doesn't make you clingy.

And if saying what you want scares someone away, then maybe you needed that information.

Because otherwise you are basically saying, I would rather keep you than be honest about what I need.

And that is where you start abandoning yourself.

Maybe you don't trust that you can get better

This one is uncomfortable.

Because sometimes the reason you stay isn't because this person is so amazing.

It's because you are not convinced that someone else will come along.

You think, What if nobody else likes me?

What if I leave and regret it?

What if this is the best I can do?

And you might never say those things out loud because obviously we all want to believe we have high standards.

But our behaviour tells us what we actually believe.

If you keep accepting something that makes you unhappy because you're terrified of losing it, there is probably something deeper happening.

Maybe your self-worth is too dependent on being chosen.

Maybe you don't enjoy being alone.

Maybe you think relationships are difficult to find and you have to hold onto whatever comes your way.

Maybe you have spent so much time feeling like you aren't enough that even inconsistent attention feels incredibly valuable.

And this is where I would rather work on myself than spend another six months trying to decode somebody.

Because even if that person suddenly commits, the insecurity doesn't automatically disappear.

You will still be scared they will leave.

You will still compare yourself.

You will still need reassurance.

You will still wonder whether they secretly want someone better.

So sometimes the situationship is not the whole problem.

It is just exposing something that was already there.

You also have to admit when you are lowering your own standards

This is where things get really embarrassing.

Because maybe you started with a completely different idea of what you wanted.

You wanted a proper relationship.

You wanted someone consistent.

You wanted someone who was proud to be with you.

Then you met this person and suddenly your standards started changing.

Now you're okay with casual.

You're okay with not knowing.

You're okay with seeing each other only when it is convenient.

You're okay with disappearing for days.

You're okay with them not introducing you to anyone.

You're okay with the relationship being a secret.

And every time something happens that makes you uncomfortable, you find a reason for it.

“They're busy.”

“They have a lot going on.”

“They've been hurt before.”

“They're just not good at texting.”

And maybe all of those things are true.

But why does understanding someone's behaviour require you to tolerate it?

You can understand why someone is emotionally unavailable and still decide that you don't want an emotionally unavailable person in your life.

Those two things can exist together.

So maybe the real question is not why they won't commit

Maybe the real question is why you keep staying when you know you want something different.

And I don't think the answer has to be dramatic.

Maybe you are lonely.

Maybe you are attached.

Maybe you are scared.

Maybe you are hopeful.

Maybe you genuinely love them.

Maybe you are not ready to let go.

Fine.

At least be honest with yourself.

I think that is much healthier than pretending you are the cool girl who doesn't care.

If you want a relationship, admit that you want one.

If you are okay with casual, then actually be okay with casual.

If you know you are getting attached, don't keep telling yourself you can handle something that is clearly hurting you.

And if you decide to stay, at least make that decision consciously.

Don't stay because you are hoping someone else will eventually make the decision for you.

Because that is how you lose months of your life.

And maybe that's the biggest thing I want you to take from this.

A situationship is not always something that is simply happening to you.

Sometimes you are staying because it is meeting a need you haven't learned to deal with yet.

Maybe you need attention.

Maybe you need validation.

Maybe you need companionship.

Maybe you need to work on your self-worth.

Maybe you need to learn how to be alone.

Maybe you need to become comfortable saying what you actually want.

Whatever it is, don't be afraid to look at yourself.

Because once you stop obsessing over what the other person is doing, you finally get to ask the more important question:

What am I doing here, and why am I okay with it?

And honestly, that answer might be much more useful than anything they could ever text you.

Let's be honest, how many times have you had a celebrity crush and thought, damn, I wish I had that confidence, or I wish I looked like her, or I wish I had her personality, her lifestyle, her discipline, her whole vibe?

We are so good at finding things to admire in other people.

We admire celebrities. We admire influencers. We admire fictional characters. We admire that one girl on Instagram who somehow looks like she has her entire life together.

But somehow when it comes to ourselves, we become our biggest critic.

And I think Indian women have a very complicated relationship with this.

From childhood, a lot of us are taught to be “good girls” before we are taught to actually understand ourselves.

Be polite.

Don't talk too much.

Don't answer back.

Don't be too ambitious.

Don't embarrass the family.

Don't make people uncomfortable.

Think about what relatives will say.

Think about what society will say.

And after hearing this for years, you slowly become very good at pleasing everyone around you.

But you don't even realise that you are doing it at the cost of yourself.

You know how to make your parents happy.

You know how to keep your friends happy.

You know how to keep your partner happy.

You know how to look acceptable in front of society.

But do you actually know how to make yourself happy?

Do you even know what you like anymore?

And that's the part I want to talk about in this blog.

Because becoming your own celebrity crush is not about becoming prettier, thinner, richer or having the perfect Instagram life.

It's about becoming someone you genuinely admire.

The kind of woman you would look at and think, yeah, I want to be her.

So let's start.

1. Command Respect

I think one of the biggest problems we have is that we confuse being a good person with being available to everyone.

You don't have to say yes to everything.

You don't have to laugh at jokes that hurt you.

You don't have to keep people around just because you have known them for ten years.

You don't have to sabotage your own dreams just because your parents don't understand them.

You don't have to shut down your opinions just because your friends might make fun of you.

And you definitely don't have to keep tolerating people who constantly trigger you just because you are scared of losing them.

Because seriously, what is the benefit of having these people around when you are constantly anxious, irritated, angry or insecure after interacting with them?

At some point you have to ask yourself:

“Am I keeping this person in my life because they are actually good for me, or because I am scared of being without them?”

There is a difference.

And from today, I want you to start commanding respect.

Not demanding it.

Not begging for it.

Commanding it.

Start saying no.

Start having standards.

Start leaving conversations where you are repeatedly disrespected.

Start protecting your time.

Start protecting your energy.

And most importantly, stop feeling guilty every time you choose yourself.

Because if you keep teaching people that they can disrespect you and you will still stay, don't be surprised when they continue doing it.

You need to become the kind of person who respects herself so much that certain behaviour simply doesn't get access to her anymore.

That's the energy we want.

Not “please like me.”

More like:

“If you don't respect me, you don't get access to me.”

And honestly, that is much hotter than trying to make everyone like you.

2. Become the Strong Version of Yourself

Now let's talk about the part everyone loves for approximately three days.

The glow-up.

The revenge era.

The new routine.

The vision board.

The cute water bottle.

The gym membership.

The 5 a.m. alarm.

And then one week later, you're back on your lousy couch watching reels for four hours.

I am saying this because I have done it too.

We love the idea of becoming a better version of ourselves, but we don't always love the boring work that actually gets us there.

You cannot become the woman you admire by sitting around waiting for motivation.

Build the damn routine.

Go to the gym.

Walk.

Eat enough nutritious food.

Sleep properly.

Take care of your body.

Get your 10,000 steps if that's a realistic goal for you.

Read something.

Learn something.

Work on your career.

Clean your room.

Do the boring things.

Because discipline is one of the strongest forms of self-respect.

When you tell yourself you're going to do something and you actually do it, you start trusting yourself.

And that is where confidence comes from.

Not from looking in the mirror and repeating, I am confident.

Confidence also comes from knowing:

“I can trust myself.”

If you say you're going to stop texting someone who disrespects you and you actually stop, that's self-respect.

If you say you're going to work on your career and you actually sit down and work, that's self-respect.

If you say you're going to take care of your body and you actually do it, that's self-respect.

You don't need another motivational reel.

You need to start keeping promises to yourself.

3. Make Yourself Interesting

I want women to understand something.

Your appearance is not your entire personality.

Please have something going on in your brain.

• Read books.
• Understand politics.
• Learn about money.
• Watch documentaries.
• Learn a language.
• Take up a hobby.
• Learn how the world works.
• Have opinions.

You should be able to sit with someone for two hours and talk about something other than relationships, Instagram and what someone said to you three days ago.

Become curious.

Because intelligence and curiosity make you attractive in a way that makeup cannot.

And I'm not saying you need to become some intellectual machine.

You don't.

Just become interested in your own life.

Ask questions.

Learn things.

Have conversations.

Explore.

You want to become your own celebrity crush?

Become someone you would actually enjoy talking to.

4. Filter Your Environment

This one is uncomfortable, but it is true.

You become the people you spend a lot of time around.

If everyone around you is constantly complaining, gossiping, making fun of ambition, hating themselves, drinking every weekend, wasting time and telling you that nothing will ever change, eventually that becomes normal to you.

And sometimes people don't even realise they're holding you back because they aren't necessarily “bad people.”

They are just comfortable where they are.

And you might be comfortable there too.

That's the problem.

You need people around you who make you think bigger.

• Friends who are ambitious.
• Friends who know themselves.
• Friends who can have intelligent conversations.
• Friends who can disagree with you without insulting you.
• Friends who are building something.
• Friends who don't feel threatened when you succeed.

You don't need to become arrogant and start thinking everyone beneath you has a low IQ or low EQ.

That's not the point.

The point is environment matters.

If you want to change your life, sometimes your environment has to change with you.

And yes, sometimes that means outgrowing people.

It's sad.

But not every person is meant to come with you into every version of your life.

5. Stop Consuming Things That Make You Hate Yourself

You cannot spend five hours consuming content that tells you you're not attractive enough, successful enough, feminine enough, thin enough or rich enough and then wonder why you have low self-esteem.

Your brain needs nutrition too.

We talk about eating healthy food for our bodies, but what are you feeding your mind?

If your entire day is celebrity gossip, comparison videos, relationship drama, rage bait and influencers making you feel like your life is pathetic, obviously you're going to feel terrible.

You need to protect your mental diet.

Follow people who teach you something.

Follow people who inspire you without making you feel inferior.

Unfollow people who consistently make you hate yourself.

You don't need to know what everyone is doing.

You don't need to compare your real life to someone's edited life.

And please stop using someone else's highlight reel as evidence that you're failing.

6. Build Your Own Life

This is especially important for women.

Please don't make your entire identity about being someone's girlfriend, wife, daughter or best friend.

Those relationships matter.

But you are still a person outside of them.

• Have your own goals.
• Have your own money.
• Have your own interests.
• Have your own friendships.
• Have your own opinions.
• Have something that belongs to you.

Because relationships should add to your identity, not completely replace it.

And this is also why financial independence matters.

Know your money.

Know what you earn.

Know what you spend.

Save.

Learn basic investing.

Understand how money works.

You don't have to become rich overnight.

Just become capable.

There is something incredibly attractive about a woman who knows:

“Even if everything changes tomorrow, I know how to take care of myself.”

7. Learn to Be Alone

You need to be able to sit alone without immediately reaching for your phone or another person.

Go for a walk.

Take yourself out.

Watch a movie alone.

Have coffee alone.

Spend an evening without texting someone just because you're bored.

Because sometimes you don't actually miss the person.

You miss the attention.

You miss having someone to talk to.

You miss feeling wanted.

And when you learn to enjoy your own company, you become much harder to manipulate.

You stop accepting terrible relationships just because being single scares you.

You stop confusing loneliness with love.

And you start choosing people because you genuinely want them, not because you desperately need someone.

8. Set Standards and Actually Follow Them

Having standards means nothing if you abandon them the moment you like someone.

You can say you want respect.

But what happens when the person you're attracted to disrespects you?

You can say you want consistency.

But what happens when someone gives you attention only when it's convenient for them?

You can say you want emotional maturity.

But what happens when you find someone attractive who clearly doesn't have it?

This is where self-respect gets tested.

Your standards aren't real until they cost you something.

Sometimes having standards means losing people.

Let them go.

You are not supposed to keep everyone.

You are supposed to keep the people who are actually good for you.

9. Stop Waiting for Permission

• You don't need permission to change your life.
• You don't need everyone to understand your career.
• You don't need your friends to approve of your boundaries.
• You don't need society to understand why you don't want the traditional life.
• You don't need to explain every decision.

At some point you have to become your own authority.

Not disrespectful.

Not rebellious just for the sake of being rebellious.

Just confident enough to say:

“I have thought about this, and this is what I want.”

That's adulthood.

10. Become Someone You Admire

And finally, this is the whole point.

Your celebrity crush probably isn't attractive just because of their face.

Maybe you like their confidence.

• Their discipline.
• Their humour.
• Their intelligence.
• Their style.
• Their independence.
• Their ambition.
• Their ability to walk into a room and own it.

So instead of constantly looking for those qualities in someone else, start building them in yourself.

Become disciplined.

Become interesting.

Become strong.

Become financially capable.

Become emotionally intelligent.

Take care of your body.

Protect your peace.

Choose better people.

Have standards.

Keep your promises to yourself.

And stop abandoning yourself just because someone else might not like your choices.

Because the ultimate glow-up isn't when everyone else starts wanting you.

It's when you finally start liking the person you see when you look at yourself.

You don't need to become everyone's celebrity crush.

You need to become your own.

And honestly?

That's probably the most attractive thing you can do.